Today we’re going to discuss the many reasons why dating a guy from your church is the dumbest thing you could ever do. I’d like to preface this by pointing out that my parents met at church and have been married for 30 + years, so I know that there are exceptions to the rule. But my mother straight up lied to my dad about her age, and my dad seriously robbed the cradle, so the exceptions really have no merit.
1. There’s a very good chance that the guy is only asking you on a date because his parents forced him to.
There is nothing better than sitting in the car with your date and having him inform you that his parents suggested this to him (true story). You now have this pressure to make sure the date goes amazing and if it doesn’t, you better not do anything truly horrific because his parents will make awkward comments about “what might have been” FOR YEARS.
2. The date will be a complete farce.
You met at church. AT CHURCH. Which means the terms “prayer life” and “seeking God’s will” will be mentioned at least 50 times during dinner. You will never hear event a hint of a vice or weakness, which means you’ll probably think you just landed God’s Gift to Women, and will promptly place him on the biggest pedestal known to man kind, where he will crash and burn in a few weeks when he dumps you because “he needs to focus on God right now”.
3. Your parents are possibly friends.
If you screw this one up for them they’ll have to leave the church and it will be all YOUR FAULT. The entire eco system will be smashed to smithereens and you will be left standing alone in the center with the pitiful excuse that “he chewed with his mouth open”. selfish.
4. Your parents are possibly enemies.
Don’t even think for one second that you are Romeo and Juliet. No, you’re just stuck in the middle of the worst situation EVER. Your parents don’t like each other, and you go to the same church? YOU WILL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN. Take it from me, just say you’re sick and never answer your phone again.
5. if you happen to make it to actually dating, you will suddenly be on a reality tv show.
Every little old lady in the church will want to know details of your personal life, and all the men who think of themselves as father figures in your life (regardless of whether you have a great dad or not) will want to know if he’s treating you right. don’t even think you can get by with a polite smile and nod, because they will pin you in the corner and have you down at the alter faster than you can say, “He’s a very Godly man”
6. All you wanted was a little flirting and suddenly he’s saying God told him you were going to get married.
I for one truly believe that there are couples out there who knew, right from the get go, that they were meant to be. Do i believe it happens to every single camp couple? heck no. But church guys, God bless their sweet souls, will latch on like an octopus and keep you from breaking things off like the awesome jerk you are because they’ll swear that “God told them you were meant to be together”. Listen sister: those kinds of conversations should work both ways. if you ain’t hearing it too, run like the wind and forget about that camp kiss you were hoping for at the end of the week.
7. It’s practically incest
More than likely you’ve grown up with this fellow. There’s a very good chance your mothers threw you in a bath tub together at some point during your childhood. He has first hand knowledge of your days before a curling iron was discovered, and you’ve seen him at 4 AM after a youth group lock in, when no one is attractive.
8. You don’t actually like him, you just like his bible cover/ the way he prays/ his ironic Christian stickers etc.
It’s so easy, and entirely understandable, to get swept away by a good looking guy from your church. But what you have conveniently forgot is HE’S STILL A GUY. Just because he wears chucks that have John 3:16 sharpied on them doesn’t mean his feet don’t smell like week old road kill. And just because he sings like an angel, doesn’t mean he suddenly learned how to chew with his mouth closed.
9. Ten to one, he’s taken a vow not to date anyone until he finds” the one” .
Which is all good and well, and might occasionally actually work except, also 10 to one, he’s using that as an excuse to flirt with every girl in the church and not have any strings to tie him down.
10. If he’s the pastor’s son, he probably has more issues than a Jerry Springer episode.
I’m tellin ya, those PK’s. They go through a crazy phase and you just want to steer clear of that until the waters calm back down. Like maybe after he starts wearing shoes to church again.
But then, like any other life situation, there are the stories of true love, of finding your soul mate at 3, or (like my parents) knowing he was the one when you saw him on the church Halloween hay ride , or truly hating his guts until one day you wake up and realize he’s actually kind of cute.
It’s those stories that make you realize that church goers are imperfect creatures serving a perfect Savior. Much like any other place in the world, and even when all signs point to this is a horrific idea it is possible to find your soul mate at church. In fact, and contrary to what this post might seem to be saying, I’d say that you should look for your soul mate at church. You’ll find him, find a bunch of really good friends, or find that you have some really great/horrible dating stories to tell your kids.