bleu.

Oh hey I accidentally didn’t blog for like a week ish. meh bad.

in other news, i’d like to make an official declaration that this, this,  is my favorite outfit ever. for now. during this season. until i get dressed again.

but for reals. fave.

side story: i went to walmart for the first time in literally 3 years ( i avoid it like the plague) and I found these sunglasses for like pennies. Although I love these things they still didn’t change my belief that Walmart is the tenth circle of Hell.

IMG_3014 copy IMG_3015copy IMG_3016copy IMG_3022copy IMG_3036copy IMG_3047copy IMG_3056copy IMG_3061copywalmart sunnies // target shirt // riffraff necklace c.o // asos pants // dolce vita booties via nordstrom rack

 

the time my blog crashed and i almost crapped my pants

a while back i had a malfunctioning plugin on my website so i decided to just deactivate it. little did i know that ALL HELL WOULD BREAK LOSE.

1for about 4 hours my blog was gone, literally gone. snatched from my fingers, wiped from the interweb as if it had never existed.

it’s true when they say “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. there are some days that i think why why WHY do i continue to write on this thing?! my life is busy or i’m feeling stuck in a rut and i start to think that it would be so much simpler to just stop writing.

but then when i had the chance to walk away, to say “welp that was fun, but oh well”, i literally felt like someone had taken my first born child away. my slightly awkward, highly embarrassing, sometimes unloved child but still MINE.

2 4i wanted to throw up, scream, shake my fists at the heavens, and then lay down for a long cry. it was like when a boyfriend calls you every day for a week and then suddenly breaks up with you via a note from his friend passed in the hallway, given to you by the class nerd while you’re scrupulously doodling love hearts in your notebook. but wait! we can’t break up! we’re supposed to be together! 4 eva! i wrote it my notes, along with my first name and your last name, with a heart around it!

6 3no matter how often i’ve thought about quitting, this little space i’ve carved out for myself here in the blog world is something that i’m quite proud of. it’s my free therapy, my online diary (that should sometimes been more like my hidden under the mattress and never shared with anyone diary), my love notes and my creative outlet. i couldn’t let this thing die any easier than i could stop wearing highly inappropriate shoes. it’s a part of me.

thankfully for my heart palpitations, things were up and running again by the afternoon. i’ve never wanted to hug an inanimate object so much in my life.

5gap tee // forever 21 sweater // target pencil skirt // chinese laundry heels (via marshalls)

 

Stretch Your Closet // how to make your summer style work in the fall

Today I’m sharing some of my tips and tricks for stretching your closet over multiple seasons.  Very rarely do I ever buy a piece of clothing without first checking to see if I can wear it at least three different ways, over several different seasons.  It’s the best way to save money, AND get the most out of your clothing!fall dressing

No 1 // Maxi Dresses (dress, boots, jacket, hat)

I love pairing my summer maxis with a leather jacket and boots. It’s a great contrast between the girly dress and the tough leather, and it’s a perfect transition outfit!

No 2 // Denim Cutoffs (shorts, boots, tee, cardi)

shorts are one of those tricky pieces that are so  necessary for the summer, but then get shoved to the back of the dresser the rest of the year. Add some layers like an oversized cardigan and some funky boots and stretch the shorts season on into the fall.

No 3// Skater Skirts (skirt, sweater, boots, tights)

layering summer skirts with sweaters and tights are a great way to add versatility to your closet. a great pair of boots will add that final fall-ish touch.

No 4 // Sundresses (dress, button down, socks, boots)

obviously I love a good tough girl vibe in an outfit. layer up your sundresses with plaid and a killer pair of boots and you’ll be able to stretch that wardrobe right on into winter. and don’t forget the socks! fall is a great time to add in new accessories like chunky socks.

dangerous faith

IMG_8449I’ve been thinking a lot about trust lately, and the magnitude of that word. It’s just this tiny little word that has such enormous potential, ya know? trust can forge bonds, create legacies, diffuse negativity. but mistrust? mistrust can breed jealousy, force disconnection, create fear.

IMG_8418 I look at this season in my life that I’m currently in, with all of these new and exciting chapters that are just waiting to be cracked open, and I see all the different variables that could produce different outcomes. There is a lot of unknown for us right now. And I will fully admit, it can be somewhat terrifying at times.  IMG_8443

But then I think about that word. trust. Jared and I trust each other, absolutely. We’re in this new crazy adventure together, 100%, and i could just squeeze his little head off when I think about how wonderful he is. He’s kind of great.

But we also trust in our Heavenly Father. We have faith that He is guiding and protecting us, that we will never be alone. He will endow us with the strength and wisdom and favor to weather any storm, carry us through any unknown. And that my friend, is dangerous. What could we be capable if we just trusted?

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Seriously, think about it. If you had complete confidence in your gifts and abilities, if you truly knew that Christ was walking before you, if you really believed that “no weapon formed against me shall prosper”, what would you attempt?

Trust is dangerous. We are capable of the impossible, when we trust. When we have faith.

and i? I want to be dangerous.

IMG_8419Oxford trunk blazer(previously worn here) (sold out, similar here)// Target tee (size up for the slouchy look)// Bella Vita necklace via Blue 7// gap jeans (got them on sale, boo the sales over)// Shoe Dazzle boots (old, similar here)

Ankle Boots

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I stinkin love ankle boots, throw them on with just about anything and they look darling. Here are three of my favorite ways to style ankle boots:

1// with a sloppy cuffed jean.

don’t ever think it, this style is meant to be laid back and chill. perfect with a worn in tee and a couple long necklaces.

2// with socks and a dress

not everyone is on board with the sock movement, but i gotta tell ya, i’m 100%. i think they look so sweet peeking out from a pair of ankle boots. pair both with a simple summer frock and you’ve got a perfect weekend outfit.

3// with shorts

there’s  nothing better than throwing on a good pair of shorts, but they can seem a bit too casual sometimes. add a pair of ankle boots and you’ve gone from “running to get more milk” to an actual outfit. genius.

things my doctor didn’t tell me

It seems really strange to be posting these snow pictures today, when it’s supposed to be 65 degrees, but oh well. It just makes me appreciate the Spring weather even more!

IMG_8008 SO things my doctor didn’t tell me (HA you thought Hospital Hooplah was over? No chance my friend, it’s like a stone dropped in a lake. The stone might have sunk to the bottom already, but the water rings are still moving). “i’m going to gut you like a fish to perform this surgery and when you wake up, you will have 25 stitches across your stomach” might have been a good idea to mention before i woke up post-op and almost passed out from the sight. “you’re going to be so weak by the time you get out of here, you won’t be able to walk up the stairs” literally surprised the crap out of me. i had no idea i would be so weak.

IMG_8013but both of these paled in comparison to “three months after your surgery, you will start shedding hair like a bear after hibernation”

the whole shedding thing has been the worst. I know, I’m such a brat, boohoo I’m losing a couple of hairs, some people don’t have any hair at all. I know. I’m fully aware of how lucky and blessed I am. but. I’m a girl. and my hair is kind of my thing, and I’ve always been very honest about the fact that if I have a bad hair day, i might as well take a sick day because it just rocks my world.

and it hasn’t just been a couple of hairs. i’m being honest about this because hopefully some poor girl will read this and be more prepared for the Shedding Apocalypse than I was. Because standing in the shower and watching as massive clump after massive clump of hair goes swirling down the drain is not something you want to be unprepared for.

IMG_8011you’re probably looking at these pictures and thinking, “what the heck is she talking about” but THANK THE LORD for hair extensions my friend. so many extensions on my head. I know this is silly, and I feel so vain just writing this all down, but it’s a part of my journey. and it’s pretty much sucked. And I think that’s ok. It’s ok to admit that some things just suck. It’s ok to cry over a couple (hundred) strands of hair. have yourself a cry. and then get up, get yourself some fake hairs, and keep going. Admit that you’re scared your going to look like Gollum from LOTR soon, and then keep going. I think sometimes we think we have to be strong 24/7. we can never admit to pain or fear or sadness. and that’s just not true. The Bible says to “share each other’s burdens”. You can’t do that unless you admit you have a burden to begin with. (and then return the favor!)

But then you have to keep going. You cant dwell on your fears or your pain, or your hair shedding. You believe in the hope of tomorrow, you believe in healing and in God’s plan and you sing sing SING!!! to those little hairs so that maybe they’ll be like that plant experiment and grow big and strong, unlike the unloved, un-sung-to hairs that wilted and stopped growing.

I’m going to have Tangled hair guys.

IMG_8015target sweater  and oxford shirt, (both on sale!) asos velvet pants, heelsdotcom boots

 

for anyone who ever goes through surgery, here’s what you should know:

- about three months after surgery, you will start shedding like crazy. some people say it’s from the anesthesia, some say from the shock of surgery itself, whatever. all you need to know is that you will lose a bunch of hair.

- you won’t shed in any place that you would actually be OK with losing hair, like your legs or pits. Nope. Just your head. Good news! You get to keep your eyelashes and eyebrows.

- it won’t look like your balding, like great big patches of no hair. more like your hair just super super super thins out. i’ve probably lost about 1/3 of my hair, maybe more. I woke up one morning and started losing handfuls of hair in the shower, which went on for about a month, and then one day it just stopped. I had to cut about 4 inches off the ends though, they were just so scraggly and sad looking. BUT that doesn’t really matter when you’re wearing extensions anyway!

- GOOD NEWS! IT WILL COME BACK! I am here to tell you: don’t have a panic attack, don’t shave your head and start wearing wigs. IT COMES BACK. I’ve got about an inch long halo of hairs all over my head right now. Not really noticeable at all, except right after I blow dry my hair and they stick up around my part. I kind of like seeing them, waving around and growing all happy up there. I encourage them, keep growing little friends!

things you can do to help: biotin. drink lots of water, eat lots of healthy foods (which you should be doing already). take deep breaths. stop panicking. buy some hair extensions. wait for it to grow back. i know. the worst advice ever. but that’s about all you can do.

 

awkward moments in the bathroom

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I walked into a public bathroom the other day and had one of the most awkward moments of my life. It was one of those restrooms that are vast and empty, where the floor is concrete and every drop of the faucet echoes a thousand times over.

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I walked into a stall and got my self settled in ( guys have no idea how difficult it is for girls to go to the bathroom in the winter time. Hang your purse up, struggle out of your coat, search around for another hook, give up and toss the stupid thing over the door, find the toilet seat covers (why do they hide them?), find that it’s empty, lay the toilet paper down, finally FINALLY sit down). It’s so quiet in there, not even a little elevator music playing to break up the awkward silence, and suddenly I hear a cough and notice a women’s leg peeping out from the stall next to me.

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now you might be able to go ahead and do your business when you notice another person beside you in the stall, but suddenly I could NOT. I got the giggles like no bodies business, thinking about how quiet it had been when I walked in, how the woman had not made a sound since I had been in there, and all I could think was that she had been sitting there the whole time, frozen, just waiting for me to…make the first move. And I just couldn’t do it. Then she starts this entirely fake coughing fit, rattling the toilet paper dispenser around and I’m about to lose it, I’m laughing so hard. Sitting on a toilet seat. Laughing at the lady next to me.

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I finally took pity on the poor girl and flushed my toilet a couple times to make some cover noise for her. By this point I’m so unfocused that there is no way I’m going to be able to pee, so I give up, get my self situated, struggle back into my coat, heave my purse onto my arm, and walk out of the stall.  I wash my hands, making as much noise as possible, and leave.

Poor girl. I really hope she was able to focus and get her business done.

IMG_7828target hat// forever 21 button down// asos dress// target boots

 

healed.

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6 months, two surgeries, one postponed wedding, countless doctor visits, and one Tootie later, I am officially deemed healthy and whole (minus a colon). Monday afternoon I went in to the hospital for my final surgery to replace my small intestine back inside my stomach where it belonged. If you didn’t know, since September I have been living with an illeostomy (or Tootie as I liked to call it), a piece of your small intestine that is placed through a hole in your stomach and empties into a bag stuck to your skin. This surgery was a necessary step in my diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, which you can read about here.

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to say that I am relieved that this chapter in my life is finally over is a bit of an understatement. there were moments of fear, embarrassment, pain, complete impotence and a total lack of self confidence that made me truly wish that I just didn’t have to be me anymore.

but…i made it. 

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I am so much stronger that I have ever realized. i have led a beautiful and very blessed existence these past 25 years and a part of me has always wondered if i would be able to withstand adversity when it hit me because of how loved and protected i have always been.  but i realize now that it doesn’t work that way. being loved and blessed doesn’t make you weak. i could handle everything that was thrown at me through this because I knew that i had a family who loved me and a Father who was protecting me. Even when i didn’t understand, when everything felt too overwhelming to handle, I knew that I wasn’t alone, that I was loved, and that I was being cared for. i truly do not know how i would have come out of this if i hadn’t had that confidence in a God that is bigger, more powerful, and so much more loving, than me.

While i would never voluntarily go through this again, I’m grateful for the strength this time has given me, for the confidence in my faith and the confidence in myself.  But it’s time to look forward, to plan for the future, and to get hitched to the love of my life!! wedding plans here we come!

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5th and elm hat// nordstrom scarf (similar) //forever 21 jacket (similar) // velvet dress via bleu clementine (she has a blue one that is very similar on sale!)// blink ankle boots // sam moon bag

wear your heart on your sleeve

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what, i ask you, is better than velvet pants? nothing, i tell you. nothing. apparently the good people of downtown San Louis Obispo agree because I wore this when we were in CA and was complimented on my jolly green giant legs at least 15 times while shopping around. I do believe I love San Louis Obispo.

Also this sweater is the perfect blend of soft fabric and light weave so it’s a fantastic piece to transition to spring. Spring! warm weather! the sun! dresses! flowers! can you tell i’m excited for spring? am i little premature? maybe, but who cares! SPRING!

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IMG_6906 5th and Elm hat// Urban sunnies// Target chambray shirt// RiffRaff heart sweater c.o (in black and look at this cute one!)// RiffRaff glitter clutch c.o//ASOS velvet pants/ (on sale!) / Shoe Dazzle boots

 

I look like a drug lord & I’m OK with that.

 

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Here in Oklahoma, Winter means one thing: you’re going to get blown away.

It doesn’t matter how lovely and bright the sun is shining, or how beautiful the snow looks. 95% of the time the wind will be blowing like nobody’s business and you will be exhausted by the time you get back into a safe building. Cars doors get slammed open, shopping carts go flying across the parking lot, and hats are blown away, never to be found again.

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So when I saw this gigantic fur Rachel Zoe coat on IG, I knew it was perfect for this Winter. Despite the fact that my dad laughs every time I walk out of the house. I’m warm and cute (in my opinion anyways) and impervious to winds and jokes alike.

IMG_6396(another DIY tee using THIS tutorial! so easy)

Speaking of Instagram, anyone else obsessed with a good IG sale? I’m always finding cute little shops on there! If you sell on IG or if you are a fellow IG shopper, let me know! I’m always looking for another cute shop!

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Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I have so many things to be thankful for this year and one of them is this lovely little blog and all of you wonderful people that I’ve come in contact with through it! You bring joy to my life. *hugs*

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5th & Elm hat// Rachel Zoe coat via LMTC// Forever 21 button down// Chanel no 5 graphic tee (tutorial here)// Urban Outfitters jeans// Blink leopard booties