a while back i had a malfunctioning plugin on my website so i decided to just deactivate it. little did i know that ALL HELL WOULD BREAK LOSE.
it’s true when they say “you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. there are some days that i think why why WHY do i continue to write on this thing?! my life is busy or i’m feeling stuck in a rut and i start to think that it would be so much simpler to just stop writing.
but then when i had the chance to walk away, to say “welp that was fun, but oh well”, i literally felt like someone had taken my first born child away. my slightly awkward, highly embarrassing, sometimes unloved child but still MINE.
i wanted to throw up, scream, shake my fists at the heavens, and then lay down for a long cry. it was like when a boyfriend calls you every day for a week and then suddenly breaks up with you via a note from his friend passed in the hallway, given to you by the class nerd while you’re scrupulously doodling love hearts in your notebook. but wait! we can’t break up! we’re supposed to be together! 4 eva! i wrote it my notes, along with my first name and your last name, with a heart around it!
no matter how often i’ve thought about quitting, this little space i’ve carved out for myself here in the blog world is something that i’m quite proud of. it’s my free therapy, my online diary (that should sometimes been more like my hidden under the mattress and never shared with anyone diary), my love notes and my creative outlet. i couldn’t let this thing die any easier than i could stop wearing highly inappropriate shoes. it’s a part of me.
thankfully for my heart palpitations, things were up and running again by the afternoon. i’ve never wanted to hug an inanimate object so much in my life.