Jared and I had our first wedding knock down drag out fight discussion the other day. Over platters. Well no technically my mother and I had a discussion over platters, during which Jared watched his previously sane fiancé turn into a banshee and start bawling. over platters. after which he calmly walked away and left me to figure out how many platters we might possibly need for the food table on my own. which then caused our first discussion, because how could you walk 10 feet away from my screeching about platters to sit down on the sofa and pretend like i wasn’t acting like i had escaped the insane asylum, i needed you to help me count non existent platters for an unknown number of people, displayed in an unknown way, on an unknown table, which would be upholding an unknown item of food! the injustice!
I’d like to think that i’ve now got the bridezilla out of my system and this situation will never occur again, but we still have cutlery to discuss so i wouldn’t hold my breath.
Warby Parker Tenley sunnies c.o//Riffraff geo dress c.o (sold out, but have you seen the new Dawn to Dusk look book? SO many cute dresses for Spring, i could squeal like a pig)// Ruche velvet mary janes (old, similar here)
Jared’s and my love story is an interesting one, with many different stages and twists and turns. One of these days I might sit down and try to write it out but it would probably involve a lot of editing and a whole case of dr. pepper and frankly we just don’t have time for that right now.
but i love our story, because it’s unique and completely us, and it’s a beautiful example of God’s love for His children.
But it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. Particularly now, when Jared is gone more than he’s home, and I want to pitch a fit and stomp my feet and shout about the unfairness of it all. i hate that i can only hear his voice through the phone, that I only get to see him for a couple days before he’s gone again. it sucks and it’s not fair and we shouldn’t have to put up with this shiz, dang it!
i keep reminding myself that this is just another chapter in our love story. that the end is in sight, that i am so grateful we have phones that i can hear his voice on, that we’ve been blessed to have these opportunities, and in the end it will all be so worth it. we just have to hold on and wait until we can look back and laugh about these times, and think of them fondly, when we rarely got to see each other but it made the times we did so much sweeter and more precious.
Jared and I have FINALLY set a date and found a place for the wedding! (these are our Save the Dates!). CUE THE HALLELUJAH CHORUS!!!
I’m not even sure why we had such a hard time, other than the obvious things like having to postpone our wedding and choosing the busiest most popular month to reschedule in, and both having very busy summers that did not leave room for rearrangement….so ya i know exactly why we had such a hard time.
but things were definitely made worse by this very strange phenomenon that came over me where i suddenly couldn’t make a decision about anything. and I mean anything. the wedding, my hair color, work decisions, lunch decisions. They all suddenly became life altering choices that i was simply incapable of making. You think I’m joking and i could possibly be exaggerating but this is real life my friends. pick out my clothes for the day had me rocking in the fetal position. choosing a wedding date? i thought i was going to have a panic attack every time we discussed it.
and oh how we discussed it. which date worked best and what time of day and no that can’t work, so and so wouldn’t be able to come, and no that’s too close to so and so’s wedding and no that place looks too much like so and so’s wedding place and dear Lord no, that place costs more than my college education and that place is too far away and that place will be too hot and that’s too soon and that’s not soon enough. it finally came to the point where we were saying either we get married next november or we stop trying to please everyone and fix every problem with a nonexistent solution/wedding date.
but even after coming to that very real brick wall, I STILL couldn’t make a decision! and that’s not me. i know what i like and i know what i want and i hated that this wedding seemed to be taking that confidence from me, given me instead a paralyzing indecisiveness over something that was supposed to be beautiful and fun and full of love and excitement.
i finally decided one night (after hyperventilating to my mother, my sister, jared, and my dog) that i really. didn’t. care. what anyone thought. i didn’t care what anyone would say about us getting married on a Sunday. I didn’t care that we have to wait to go on a honeymoon until later in the summer (after the madness dies down). and i really didn’t care who could or couldn’t come. because the only person that really mattered was jared, and he was going to be there no matter what.
and suddenly everything became a whole lot simpler. we picked a freaking date, we paid our deposit on a freaking place, and i printed up some freaking save the dates. no screaming death screams, no temper tantrums, and no one that we truly cared about being there has said nu uh no way mister. in fact, it seems that in my moment of sheer agony, running way past empty on the patience scale, slowing peeling my finger nails from my finger tips, we might have actually found the perfect-for-everyone-wedding date.
but if not i really. don’t. care. and not to sound totally self absorbed but i’m pretty sure that’s how it should be on your wedding day. call me bridezilla, but as long as jared is waiting for me at the end of the aisle, i could care less who is sitting in the seats.
(by the by, we are only sending STD’s to the bridal party and out of state family. saves money and they’re the only ones who really care anyways! and fam if you haven’t gotten yours it’s because i forgot to mail them…oops)
Back before my gutty works (as Jared calls it) decided to fail utterly, the girls and I had planned my bachelorette weekend for this past week in Dallas, Texas. Since my sister had come into town and we had found such a fantastic deal (Groop Deals what what!) on a cute little hotel downtown, we decided to go ahead and spend a little girl’s weekend in Texas! I had such a great time, snatched up some adorable little presents for myself (tee hee!) and made some precious memories with a few of my bridesmaids. I love these girls!
Dinner at one of my favorite Dallas restaurants, Blue Mesa!
our cute hotel room had these port mirrors that I wanted to rip right off the wall. so rad.
Friday we spent the day at Canton Days where I failed dismally to take many pics. Check out my last trip to Canton here and drool over the cuteness.
my cute bride hair piece that Westin made me!
and the darling pins that Courtney made for the girls to wear!
I bought a giant B. Because why the heck not?
and then poor Beccah’s car broke down about an hour and half from home. It was cool, we hung out at Exit 40 for a while, ate a bunch of junk food, and waited for Beccah’s husband to come to the rescue.
Thanks again to my girls for a fantastic weekend! We laughed, we ate, we shopped, and we laughed a friggin whole lot more. Oh and got lost. Oh and broke down. It was awesome.
I’m sharing our precious engagement party pics today! A few of my sweet bridesmaids and friends put together this adorable black and lace engagement party and I can’t say enough how talented, creative, and wonderful they are! Yay for picture overload!
The invite! How darling right?!
Aren’t those posters darling?! Westin made the quote posters and Lori and her hubby made the humongous engineering print! They’re so creative!
The girls printed out our engagement pics and clothespinned them to the food table. How cute! Good thing too because I still hadn’t done that….whoops!
OK guys. If you’re thinking of having an outdoor engagement party, this game table is A MUST HAVE! It kept the boys busy so us girls could gossip. Such a great idea!
A whole barrel of DP. They know me so well.
Check out those cute tin plates! My squeal was quite penetrating when I saw them.One thing you should know about me: I have a deep and abiding love for mac and cheese. Jared’s sweet family! ^ My sweet fam! Minus Drew and Courtney of course ;)four of my eight bridesmaids and one of my two maids of honor (yes. 10 total. I know. I’m crazy. I just have so many great girls in my life!)
I love him :)obvs Jared was excited for the party. Or he was just excited I finally stopped making him take family pictures.
Thanks again to my sweet girls for putting together our “I Do Barbeque!” And thank you Beccah for being the photographer!!
And speaking of engagements, we’ve (tentatively) set a new date for the wedding! YAY!!!!! 7 months after my second surgery we’re gonna get hitched!
Today I’m sharing the bags I put together to ask my girls to be bridesmaids! Of course now that we’ve changed our date I’ll have to come up with some other cute way to tell everyone the new date but I’m totally ok with that ;)
I wanted to give the girl’s something that they could use before the wedding and after, something that was practical, so I came up with these little linen bags! Jared’s mom owns her own screen printing company so I sent her a picture of my idea and she whipped these puppies together for me! Each bag has a hand cut gold vinyl letter on the front, for the girl’s first name.
In the bridesmaids bags I put in a few little goodies like chapstick, a candle, and some apricot face scrub (my fave!). I then tossed in a key ring made up of ribbon scraps in our wedding colors, a small notebook, a Will You Be My Bridesmaid card, and a circle-cut packet of info that the girl’s would need to know like dress info, shoes, rehearsal dinner, etc.
I also made bags for my four flowers girls with their names on the front. Their bags had fun little goodies for them like candy and a homemade coloring book, as well as their own Will You Be My Flower Girl card.
The bags turned out so darling and I think all the girls loved them! I know I did; I couldn’t resist, I had one made for myself too ;)
Things are slowly, so slowly, starting to fall into a routine of sorts. My world that was quite literally shaken overnight completely off it’s axis has toppled into a new rotation, a new state of normal.
For those who have been keeping up with what I have officially dubbed Hospital Hooplah and for my inner secretary that needs an official documentation of all this craziness, let me give a quick official recap of this entire escapade:
7/26 the first day I can truly pinpoint as my first official Sick Day
August visited my doctor several times after spending the entire month battling nasauea, upset stomach, loss of appetite, and dizzy spells. Referred to a gastrointestinal specialist and prescribed steroids for a swollen colon. Possible Crohn’s Disease or Ulcertive Colitis diagnosis but unable to diagnose fully because of swelling.
August 31 Engagement party! One week of steroids and feeling MUCH BETTER
*unbeknownst to me, probably contracted the secondary infection around this time
September 9 admitted to the hospital for IV steroids and nutrients after symptoms reemerge even after two weeks of steroids
September 16, after another scan and testing, the doctors came to the conclusion that the removal of my colon was ultimately the only option we had left. After being on high dose steroids for a week and antibiotics to fight the secondary infection, my body was simply not strong enough to fight any longer and I was basically losing the battle. It was either surgery or take the chance of my colon self imploding.
September 18th 3:30 PM I underwent a full Colectomy (as in they removed my entire colon) with a temporary Ileostomy, to be removed during a second surgery planned for 6-12 weeks from now.
September 22 released from the hospital!
September 24th taken back to the hospital throwing up and severely bloated (side note: ever thrown up with staples in your swollen abdomen? hell. hell on earth.) Placed an NG tube in for a few hours (inner circle of hell on earth) and received IV fluids to allow my system to rest. Also realized I had accidentally been cut cold turkey from my steroids for 3 days which might have had something to do with the slowing down of my system. Restarted my steroid tapering off, 3 days of antibiotics, anti-nausuea, and morphine, and things start working again.
September 27th REreleased from the hospital!
It’s insane to write it all out. In almost EXACTLY three months time I went from being a fairly healthy 25 year old who has never even had stitches to….all of this. To say my mind is blown is a bit of an understatement. And yet when I sit here and look back on everything and see where I am at now the only feeling I can truly put into words is THANKFUL. I am so incredibly thankful, blessed, loved, and cared for. There is not one doubt in my in my mind that God had a plan and was in control throughout this entire fiasco. Nor can I ever doubt that God is STILL in control and STILL has a plan for my life and my future. How incredibly awe inspiring is my Jesus!!
So where to from here? I have to keep reminding myself that I had an extremely invasive surgery less than two weeks ago and that I have to give my body/mind/spirit time to REST. I tend to forget just how much I’ve been through recently and I want to be 100% NOW. My emotions run the gamut from laughing about needing help putting my pants on to fighting back tears because my entire day is scheduled around food and what I can/can’t eat, do/not do. No matter how little I want to accept it sometimes, this experience has changed me irrevocably and it’s going to take some adjustments on my part to cope with it. And that all takes TIME. Time that everyone is perfectly willing to give me except, it seems, me.
I am extremely physically weak. Taking a shower in the morning is a full blown adventure, while climbing the stairs can only be attempted once and then I have to take a nice long rest afterwards. Things that you would normally take for granted like sitting up or brushing your teeth are goals to be accomplished accompanied by multiple grunts and sighs and reassuring pats on the back. You never realize just how important your stomach muscles are until someone slashes through them and then staples them back together. Speaking of staples…
I feel very self conscious these days. I’ve always been somewhat confident in my body and how I looked (i’m a style blogger, you kind of have to have some confidence in yourself to be able to post outfit pictures for complete strangers to judge) but nowadays it’s a whole new ball game. Due to medications, almost three weeks in a hospital bed, and the surgery itself, my body has gone through quite the transformation. I’m currently sporting a lovely acne breakout that would rival any puberty-ridden teen’s face this side of 17, as well as the effects of shedding a high number of both hair and pounds from my head and body. It’s very disconcerting to look in the mirror and not recognize yourself. Frankly, my legs scare me if I look at them for too long. Add in the fact that my stomach currently resembles a train track and I’m having to learn to adapt to these new steps the surgery has given me to function on basic levels and well, can you blame a girl for feeling just a little overwhelmed at times? This outfit post was the first time I had gotten dressed since the surgery and it took me about 3 hours to accomplish. And I must say I was dang proud of myself! So proud that I rewarded myself with a 2 1/2 hour trip to Target (accomplished from a wheel chair, no worries I was a spectacle it was embarrassing) just to be able to get out of the house and say I did something that day.
In the Future:
One of the main things I have been asked is, “what about the future”? Well you’re guess is as good as mine sister. My job has been so incredibly understanding and I can’t thank them enough for working with me through these next couple of weeks/months. I’ll be slowly working out a schedule for work hours/work from home hours and will hopefully get into a more permanent routine when I get my staples taken out next week (thank the Lord)
As for our wedding, we have decided to postpone the ceremony until after I am 100% healed. So frustrating and disappointing but we wanted to be able to enjoy the planning process, and the wedding! without having to deal with this second surgery/post recovery phase. Jared has been so incredible, I just can’t imagine how I would have been able to survive these past few weeks if I hadn’t had him beside me. So while we have to put off the ceremony for a few months I think we both agree that it will truly be for the best. We haven’t set a date yet but we’re thinking sometime in the spring!
And for this here blog: well I have no intention of going anywhere. I’m going to write whatever random crap comes into my head, and I will more than likely share way more than my mother thinks is necessary. Without going into too much detail (though you could always research ileostomy if you wanted to be nosy), these next 3 months are going to extremely challenging for me, on the basic day to day level but also as a fashion blogger. My clothing choices are going to be somewhat restricted but I am choosing to take it as a challenge to continue this blog and continue to use my clothing as a creative outlet, whatever parameters or hindrances I may have. How much of that personal story I actually share here in writing I really haven’t decided. Initially I thought I wouldn’t share ANYTHING just because it’s so intimate and personal but I think that will depend on YOU, dear readers, and also depend on how these months pan out. If I feel that anyone might benefit from hearing my story well then I might share more that I first expected to. Or if I choose to say this is my blog and I’ll write whatever the heck I want then you best know now there will be no holds barred. So if you have experienced these surgeries or diagnosis LET ME KNOW! I’d love to hear your experiences as well, or to know if anyone would benefit from hearing mine.
But for now, I’m just going to leave it up to the experience and see what happens! This is an adventure, a messy, awkward, embarrassing, terrifying, educational, crazy, hilarious, depressing, invigorating ADVENTURE. It’s life and I’m just thankful to still be around to write about it, in all it’s beautiful splendor.
Target hat (old)// Urban Outfitters dress// Pacsun necklace// Target booties// Sunnies… i forget! whoops
Jared and I were approved for our apartment yesterday! So naturally my brain has temporarily jumped from wedding plans to apartment decorating. My number one goal is to have a cute, functional living space that can coexist with Jared’s definition of a home: a place that values comfort. above ALL ELSE. Except maybe frugality. Forget if it’s cute or fun or unique, is it comfortable? He’s all for it. God bless his precious soul, trying to explain to Jared that comfort is actually NOT on my top 3 priorities is like trying to explain why sometimes I just NEED chocolate, or that I’m attracted to a certain shirt because it has a cute label on the inside. So what if the fringe on the bedding looks like cotton balls and serves no practical purpose? IT’S CUTE!
Any other ladies know what I’m talking about? How did you convince your hubby to go for the printed shower curtain rather than the solid bleh shower curtain, even though it’s more expensive and you only want it because it’s cute? How do you explain CUTE to the male mind?
I figured that since Jared is going to become a permanent part of my life, you guys might want to know a little bit more about him! (I got this format from Love Taza!) We’ve also been gathering all sorts of family pics for the wedding and I’ve come to the conclusion that our kids are going to be pretty dang cute, if I do say so myself. Look a those big ol’ eyes and teeth.
I also did an interview with Shop at Home if you’d like to check that out! Whew you’re just gettin all sorts of in my business today!
She & Him
she loathes the mornings
he wakes up ready to go
she’s addicted to shoes
he wears one pair until they’re falling apart
he’s a jack of all trades
she’s a jill of all trades
they have dreams to own their own land
he’s a singer
she’s a dancer
they met at college
she wants to adopt every animal she sees
he pretends that he doesn’t like dogs. she knows the truth
she’s a city girl
he’s a country boy
they both are Christ followers
he can play any instrument he touches
she played piano once…
she hates cooking
he’s catered weddings
they love estate sales
she loves to design
he loves to build
she loves computers and spread sheets
he hen pecks the keyboard
she’s blind as a bat
he has perfect vision
they both have blue eyes
he has a cowlick that makes a perfect circle on his head
WARNING: This is a super girly post. If you are uncomfortable reading about doctors visits, periods, or other girly things that might fall under the category of TMI (too much info) then close your window now. You have been warned.
Today is the day of the #1 (possibly only) thing I have been dreading about the wedding: the gyno visit. Yes today I have to voluntarily let a stranger into my most private…privates. I look forward to these moments as much as I look forward to lice, rush hour traffic, and restaurants that don’t carry Dr. Pepper.
In all fairness it is entirely Mother Nature’s fault. Jared and I had already decided that we would not be using birth control, since we both feel pretty strongly about medicines that have so many negative side effects. If the consequence of not taking a medicine that could so severely whack out my body is to create a tiny beautiful little soul straight from Heaven just a little bit faster than we would necessarily choose to create said soul, then we decided we would take our chances.
BUT THEN my wretched little uterus decided to schedule the start of it’s self mutilation on the very day of our wedding. How convenient. and precious. So while I’m willing to create a darling little blue eyed baby, hopefully with Jared’s tornado style cowlick on it’s head, I’m not willing to be doubled over in cramps and not be able to fit in my wedding dress because I’m bloated to high heaven and be screaming bloody murder at everyone on my wedding day because Aunt Flo decided to make an appearance. (woah. run on sentence much.)
Which is probably for the best because if we made a baby on our honeymoon I would probably go into strong convulsions. The amount of times I trip on my feet in one day is seriously not conducive to carrying around a child.
So what about you? Did you get on birth control before your wedding? Please refrain from telling me all of your crazy side effect stories, I’m already worried enough as it is ;) Unless it’s a really good one, then by all means share share share! I love a good drama.
Target tee and belt// Forever 21 necklace// Sammy Dress skirt (do not buy from them, this took 3 months to get shipped to me)// Shoe Dazzle booties