i cleaned out my photo album and found a random outfit post

IMG_6478it’s been too windy and too cold and i’ve been too lazy to take any outfit pictures this week. but then i remembered these that i took a way long time ago (like LAST YEAR guys. ancient days). and i said oh ya! these are pretty cute!

thus, your style post for the week. you’re welcome.

IMG_6494hmmm so life lately. we’re in that weird stage of season changing that I for one secretly adore. spring and winter are kind of duking it out right now for who’s going to be boss and we all know spring is totally going to kick butt, but winter keeps hangin in there, holding on by it’s icy cold fingertips.

this time is so similar to when fall gives in to winter, and yet it’s very different. you might wake up to a cool morning but there’s a tiny ray of hope mixed in with the icy breathes of fog in the air. a little spring promise.

IMG_6491in the fall, the season change can almost seem melancholy as the days become shorter and the air becomes cooler. but spring. ahh spring. each day holds just a sliver more of sunshine, each breeze brings just a bit more warmth. it’s like spring is giving us tiny sips of what’s to come, to keep us going through these last few days of ice. just a tease each morning, so that we’ll look forward to the next day, and the next day, just to see if today is the day that spring finally arrives.

i’m all for it spring. you can just keep on comin on. i dont mind a bit.

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dont mind my white legs, they’re just going to blind you really fast

target beanie (sold out but i like this one), old (i mean old) jean jacket (similar) // ASOS swing dress (the best invention ever) (sold out, similar) // Sam Moon scarf (similar) //Shoe dazzle booties (sold out, these are cute)

things my doctor didn’t tell me

It seems really strange to be posting these snow pictures today, when it’s supposed to be 65 degrees, but oh well. It just makes me appreciate the Spring weather even more!

IMG_8008 SO things my doctor didn’t tell me (HA you thought Hospital Hooplah was over? No chance my friend, it’s like a stone dropped in a lake. The stone might have sunk to the bottom already, but the water rings are still moving). “i’m going to gut you like a fish to perform this surgery and when you wake up, you will have 25 stitches across your stomach” might have been a good idea to mention before i woke up post-op and almost passed out from the sight. “you’re going to be so weak by the time you get out of here, you won’t be able to walk up the stairs” literally surprised the crap out of me. i had no idea i would be so weak.

IMG_8013but both of these paled in comparison to “three months after your surgery, you will start shedding hair like a bear after hibernation”

the whole shedding thing has been the worst. I know, I’m such a brat, boohoo I’m losing a couple of hairs, some people don’t have any hair at all. I know. I’m fully aware of how lucky and blessed I am. but. I’m a girl. and my hair is kind of my thing, and I’ve always been very honest about the fact that if I have a bad hair day, i might as well take a sick day because it just rocks my world.

and it hasn’t just been a couple of hairs. i’m being honest about this because hopefully some poor girl will read this and be more prepared for the Shedding Apocalypse than I was. Because standing in the shower and watching as massive clump after massive clump of hair goes swirling down the drain is not something you want to be unprepared for.

IMG_8011you’re probably looking at these pictures and thinking, “what the heck is she talking about” but THANK THE LORD for hair extensions my friend. so many extensions on my head. I know this is silly, and I feel so vain just writing this all down, but it’s a part of my journey. and it’s pretty much sucked. And I think that’s ok. It’s ok to admit that some things just suck. It’s ok to cry over a couple (hundred) strands of hair. have yourself a cry. and then get up, get yourself some fake hairs, and keep going. Admit that you’re scared your going to look like Gollum from LOTR soon, and then keep going. I think sometimes we think we have to be strong 24/7. we can never admit to pain or fear or sadness. and that’s just not true. The Bible says to “share each other’s burdens”. You can’t do that unless you admit you have a burden to begin with. (and then return the favor!)

But then you have to keep going. You cant dwell on your fears or your pain, or your hair shedding. You believe in the hope of tomorrow, you believe in healing and in God’s plan and you sing sing SING!!! to those little hairs so that maybe they’ll be like that plant experiment and grow big and strong, unlike the unloved, un-sung-to hairs that wilted and stopped growing.

I’m going to have Tangled hair guys.

IMG_8015target sweater  and oxford shirt, (both on sale!) asos velvet pants, heelsdotcom boots

 

for anyone who ever goes through surgery, here’s what you should know:

- about three months after surgery, you will start shedding like crazy. some people say it’s from the anesthesia, some say from the shock of surgery itself, whatever. all you need to know is that you will lose a bunch of hair.

- you won’t shed in any place that you would actually be OK with losing hair, like your legs or pits. Nope. Just your head. Good news! You get to keep your eyelashes and eyebrows.

- it won’t look like your balding, like great big patches of no hair. more like your hair just super super super thins out. i’ve probably lost about 1/3 of my hair, maybe more. I woke up one morning and started losing handfuls of hair in the shower, which went on for about a month, and then one day it just stopped. I had to cut about 4 inches off the ends though, they were just so scraggly and sad looking. BUT that doesn’t really matter when you’re wearing extensions anyway!

- GOOD NEWS! IT WILL COME BACK! I am here to tell you: don’t have a panic attack, don’t shave your head and start wearing wigs. IT COMES BACK. I’ve got about an inch long halo of hairs all over my head right now. Not really noticeable at all, except right after I blow dry my hair and they stick up around my part. I kind of like seeing them, waving around and growing all happy up there. I encourage them, keep growing little friends!

things you can do to help: biotin. drink lots of water, eat lots of healthy foods (which you should be doing already). take deep breaths. stop panicking. buy some hair extensions. wait for it to grow back. i know. the worst advice ever. but that’s about all you can do.

 

you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it pick a wedding date

IMG_8093Jared and I have FINALLY set a date and found a place for the wedding! (these are our Save the Dates!). CUE THE HALLELUJAH CHORUS!!!

I’m not even sure why we had such a hard time, other than the obvious things like having to postpone our wedding and choosing the busiest most popular month to reschedule in, and both having very busy summers that did not leave room for rearrangement….so ya i know exactly why we had such a hard time.

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but things were definitely made worse by this very strange phenomenon that came over me where i suddenly couldn’t make a decision about anything. and I mean anything. the wedding, my hair color, work decisions, lunch decisions. They all suddenly became life altering choices that i was simply incapable of making.  You think I’m joking and i could possibly be exaggerating but this is real life my friends. pick out my clothes for the day had me rocking in the fetal position. choosing a wedding date? i thought i was going to have a panic attack every time we discussed it.

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and oh how we discussed it. which date worked best and what time of day and no that can’t work, so and so wouldn’t be able to come, and no that’s too close to so and so’s wedding and no that place looks too much like so and so’s wedding place and dear Lord no, that place costs more than my college education and that place is too far away and that place will be too hot and that’s too soon and that’s not soon enough. it finally came to the point where we were saying either we get married next november or we stop trying to please everyone and fix every problem with a nonexistent solution/wedding date.

but even after coming to that very real brick wall, I STILL couldn’t make a decision! and that’s not me. i know what i like and i know what i want and i hated that this wedding seemed to be taking that confidence from me, given me instead a paralyzing indecisiveness over something that was supposed to be beautiful and fun and full of love and excitement.

IMG_8099i finally decided one night (after hyperventilating to my mother, my sister, jared, and my dog) that i really. didn’t. care. what anyone thought. i didn’t care what anyone would say about us getting married on a Sunday. I didn’t care that we have to wait to go on a honeymoon until later in the summer (after the madness dies down). and i really didn’t care who could or couldn’t come. because the only person that really mattered was jared, and he was going to be there no matter what.

and suddenly everything became a whole lot simpler. we picked a freaking date, we paid our deposit on a freaking place, and i printed up some freaking save the dates. no screaming death screams, no temper tantrums, and no one that we truly cared about being there has said nu uh no way mister. in fact, it seems that in my moment of sheer agony, running way past empty on the patience scale, slowing peeling my finger nails from my finger tips, we  might have actually found the perfect-for-everyone-wedding date.

but if not i really. don’t. care. and not to sound totally self absorbed but i’m pretty sure that’s how it should be on your wedding day. call me bridezilla, but as long as jared is waiting for me at the end of the aisle, i could care less who is sitting in the seats.

(by the by, we are only sending STD’s to the bridal party and out of state family. saves money and they’re the only ones who really care anyways! and fam if you haven’t gotten yours it’s because i forgot to mail them…oops)

 

 

valentines playlist

ARF vday playlistmusic is one of those topics that hasn’t been mentioned much here on the blog, but it a constant in my every day life. just goes to show you that blogs really are only a glimpse into someone’s life!

i’ve found that music can be a pretty great motivator or inspiration so i make playlists for just about any event/moment/holiday/emotion…the list goes on!! so far this one hasn’t helped my work levels much but i sure am ready for v-day! anyone else like me? what are some of your fave lovey dovey songs?

Follow my Vday playlist HERE! 

Happy Valentine’s Week!

Valentine’s Day Outfit Inspiration

vday inspo

I’m linking up with Shabby Loves Chic and Sincerely Truly Scrumptious to show you three different V-Day outfits today. Between the three of us, we encompass quite a wide range of style; i love how different our looks ended up! Each of these would be darling for a Valentine’s party, date, or whatever you end up doing with your day of love!

Would you wear any of these outfits?

Don’t forget to check out the other gal’s posts for their complete looks!

IMG_7911 IMG_7916 IMG_7917 IMG_7921 IMG_7925 IMG_7939Forever 21 top and sweater (kids section, i’m wearing a Large)// Shabby Apple skirt// forever 21 shoes (similar)

 

throw a leather jacket on and call it good.

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we’re all fighting the bubonic plague around here, other wise known as the common cold, so forgive me for not feeling the creative juices flowing. The only juices that are flowing are phlegm. Sorry, but it’s true.

so i’ll just leave you with this sneaky little outfit that deceptively looks like I made some sort of an effort to look put together, when in reality i threw on the first thing i saw in the closet that would make me look relatively acceptable for public viewing. score one for me! i know one of these days i’l probably have to start getting up at a decent hour before work and making an effort to be a responsible adult but really, when rolling out of bed 30 min before i have to leave and throwing something like this together is working for me, why mess with a good thing?

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IMG_7892UO sunnies (old)// RiffRaff head band c.o//forever 21 jacket (old)//UO dress// Target tights//Shoe Dazzle boots

 

 

 

A Very Cali Christmas Pt 3

I’m just now getting around to posting the last of our pics from our Christmas in Cali. Whoops! But give me a break, I did take about a bajillion photos. See Parts 1 and 2 here and here!

::Christmas morning::

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^our sweet gammy & poppy flew out and spend a few days with us in SLO!

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^ my name is Inigo Montoya. you killed my father. prepare to die. IMG_7494

^ nope i’m not spoiled in the slightest. drinking water out of a teacup. bless.IMG_7501 IMG_7508 IMG_7552 IMG_7558 IMG_7622 IMG_7568 IMG_7593 IMG_7597 IMG_7610 IMG_7612 IMG_7632 IMG_7584 IMG_7639 IMG_7641 IMG_7642

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::Hearst Ranch & Winery and Sebastian’s Country Store::

One of our last days in CA we spent at Sebastian’s, this cute little lunch place with yummy burgers and a view of Hearst Castle. Definitely worth the wait!

IMG_7663 IMG_7671 IMG_7675 IMG_7685 IMG_7697 IMG_7705 IMG_7708 IMG_7713 IMG_7720 IMG_7723 IMG_7725 IMG_7731Looking through all of these photos makes me miss my sister and her sweet family even more! I think I need another CA trip very soon indeed.

awkward moments in the bathroom

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I walked into a public bathroom the other day and had one of the most awkward moments of my life. It was one of those restrooms that are vast and empty, where the floor is concrete and every drop of the faucet echoes a thousand times over.

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I walked into a stall and got my self settled in ( guys have no idea how difficult it is for girls to go to the bathroom in the winter time. Hang your purse up, struggle out of your coat, search around for another hook, give up and toss the stupid thing over the door, find the toilet seat covers (why do they hide them?), find that it’s empty, lay the toilet paper down, finally FINALLY sit down). It’s so quiet in there, not even a little elevator music playing to break up the awkward silence, and suddenly I hear a cough and notice a women’s leg peeping out from the stall next to me.

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now you might be able to go ahead and do your business when you notice another person beside you in the stall, but suddenly I could NOT. I got the giggles like no bodies business, thinking about how quiet it had been when I walked in, how the woman had not made a sound since I had been in there, and all I could think was that she had been sitting there the whole time, frozen, just waiting for me to…make the first move. And I just couldn’t do it. Then she starts this entirely fake coughing fit, rattling the toilet paper dispenser around and I’m about to lose it, I’m laughing so hard. Sitting on a toilet seat. Laughing at the lady next to me.

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I finally took pity on the poor girl and flushed my toilet a couple times to make some cover noise for her. By this point I’m so unfocused that there is no way I’m going to be able to pee, so I give up, get my self situated, struggle back into my coat, heave my purse onto my arm, and walk out of the stall.  I wash my hands, making as much noise as possible, and leave.

Poor girl. I really hope she was able to focus and get her business done.

IMG_7828target hat// forever 21 button down// asos dress// target boots

 

le livre

photo

Every Winter I read Little Women. It’s just a thing i do. But this year I felt like changing things up a bit and so I chose to re-read the entire Harry Potter series. Maybe because a part of me wishes that the lights really would turn on when I say “lumos” or because I felt like torturing myself with Dobby’s death scene (bawled, great heaving sobs, bawled).

I’m a book person. And I don’t just mean haha ya i read a book once I mean I’m a can’t leave the house without a book, feel like I’m missing a limb if i haven’t started a new one immediately after finishing one, sometimes think fictional characters understand me better than real people book person.

I love the smell of printed paper, the cracking sound when you break wide open a new book for the first time. I’m a passionate believer that books should be well loved, not well preserved, and so pages will have chocolate chip smears on them, corners will be turned down, passages will be highlighted in pink.

I do own a kindle, and my back thanks you, Amazon, for lightening my purse load, but there’s just something special about physically holding in your hands the creation of another human being’s imagination. Stories connect souls, they give us a chance to break out of the hum drum, day to day pattern we can get ourselves into, and believe in something magical. 

and now I need another book to start. any suggestions?

healed.

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6 months, two surgeries, one postponed wedding, countless doctor visits, and one Tootie later, I am officially deemed healthy and whole (minus a colon). Monday afternoon I went in to the hospital for my final surgery to replace my small intestine back inside my stomach where it belonged. If you didn’t know, since September I have been living with an illeostomy (or Tootie as I liked to call it), a piece of your small intestine that is placed through a hole in your stomach and empties into a bag stuck to your skin. This surgery was a necessary step in my diagnosis of Crohn’s disease, which you can read about here.

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to say that I am relieved that this chapter in my life is finally over is a bit of an understatement. there were moments of fear, embarrassment, pain, complete impotence and a total lack of self confidence that made me truly wish that I just didn’t have to be me anymore.

but…i made it. 

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I am so much stronger that I have ever realized. i have led a beautiful and very blessed existence these past 25 years and a part of me has always wondered if i would be able to withstand adversity when it hit me because of how loved and protected i have always been.  but i realize now that it doesn’t work that way. being loved and blessed doesn’t make you weak. i could handle everything that was thrown at me through this because I knew that i had a family who loved me and a Father who was protecting me. Even when i didn’t understand, when everything felt too overwhelming to handle, I knew that I wasn’t alone, that I was loved, and that I was being cared for. i truly do not know how i would have come out of this if i hadn’t had that confidence in a God that is bigger, more powerful, and so much more loving, than me.

While i would never voluntarily go through this again, I’m grateful for the strength this time has given me, for the confidence in my faith and the confidence in myself.  But it’s time to look forward, to plan for the future, and to get hitched to the love of my life!! wedding plans here we come!

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5th and elm hat// nordstrom scarf (similar) //forever 21 jacket (similar) // velvet dress via bleu clementine (she has a blue one that is very similar on sale!)// blink ankle boots // sam moon bag